The Best Bad Reviews - The Time Traveler's Wife

Something I had been meaning to get around to doing, posting the genuinely awesome negative reviews for The Time Traveler's Wife, of which there are pee-lenty.

Polemic Pandemic - The Accidental Best Seller

So what happened with this book? How the hell did it become a best seller on both Amazon US and UK, and stay at number 1 in Sci-Fi Romance; Sci-Fi Time Travel, and number 8 in Sci-Fi for over 4 weeks? How the hell did it almost beat out George RR Martin? And how on earth did it manage to outsell such classic Sci-Fi Romance novels as "Probed: Sizzling Alien Tentacle Sex"

"I thought it was the other book."

Turns out, there is another book of the same title. Pretty popular actually, a best seller. And not in eBook format. So as irony would have it, my book became a best seller because it was confused for a best seller.

I actually caught some of the movie on Netflix. It was like a visual enema, so i get the genuine frustration. For this well, being offended only reminds ones how true their ideals actually are, in the same way tragedy brings out the goodness and giving nature of humanity (before they coil back to being pushy assholes), so too does offense awaken us to the believes and truths that we so often take for granted in our absent minded approach to living. So next time someone offends you, do the right thing - say thank you. Here they are, the best of the worst. The 1 star list.

GoodReads:

sarah mc elligott rated it 1 of 5 stars
Really starting to be ashamed of my book choices like seriously 48% through and cannot go on because a man talking to his nipple does not appeal to me in the slightest

Catea Ivanov rated it 1 of 5 stars
Perhaps this book appeals to some people, but I couldn't go past 41%, I guess a whole chapter of dialog between the main character and his right nipple is not really for me.

*** side note, a philosophizing nipple makes a dramatic entrance somewhere around 40% through the book. This did not fare well with some readers.

Amazon US:

Bart Rubinon November 24, 2014 - 1 Star
Free and not worth the price. How does the author get away with ripping off the title of a best seller!

**** side note. I am thinking of naming my next novel "New York Times Best Seller"

1Hated it!
D. S.on December 19, 2014 - 1 Star
Wish I had read the other negative review first & saved myself a bit of time. What a crummy book. Hated it!

** side note. You, right now, might very well be watsing your time reading these reviews. I don't think this is a game changer.

Byfun gameon January 15, 2015 - 1 Star
Weird! Crazy. Difficult to follow. Strange. I was expecting to read about time travel....not talking nipples that get milked everyday.

Katieon February 26, 2015 - 1 Star 
When I got this book free I thought it would be some tragically romantic story that I would love. Instead, it was a terribly confusing story that was filthy. I REALLY wish there was a rating or something to give you a heads up that it's not for everyone.

*** side note. You are using it. It is awesome.

J. Odice "jodice"on February 11, 2015 - 1 Star
I only got this because I thought it was the book I had loved by A. Niffenegger. When I saw it was written by somebody else, I didn't bother.

*** side note. this red sofa is not blue. Bad sofa. Bad sofa.

Michelle Hiltonon February 24, 2015 - 1 Star
Not the correct TIme Traveler's Wife I was looking for. Did not read.

**** side. Seeing a pattern here

AMAZON UK -

1.0 out of 5 stars Yuk!, 10 Mar. 2015
By Amanda Phillips
Started this book and it was so nasty, I deleted it straight away. Foul language and theme from the start. Should have been more careful before purchase!

** side note, the second page may or may not incite a detailed account of fellatio and anal sex with one or two or 90's televisions most beloved talkshow hosts. I swear it was all in the name of science, the fiction kind. It's philosophy, probably.

1.0 out of 5 stars Very disappointed. Can I get a refund, 15 Feb. 2015
By Richard Woodcock
Got fooled into buying this thinking it was the book of the film. Very disappointed. Can I get a refund?

** side note. Yes you can, and no doubt did. Amazon is the only book retailer that allows full refunds on all eBook purchases unquestioned within 7 days of purchase.

** side side note. Richard Woodcock. Three phallic symbols in one appellation. Must resist temptation to make penis joke. Must exercise restraint.

1.0 out of 5 stars Talking nipples, 24 Mar. 2015
By Kaluriel "Kaluriel" (UK)
Badly written, this is just a book with the same title as the film based on a book.

**** side note. You lost me

1.0 out of 5 stars One Star, 5 Jan. 2015
By Fliss Edwards (Birmingham)
Horrendous. Didn't get past first chapter. Doesn't really deserve one star!

**** side note. thank you, i think?

1.0 out of 5 stars Not an enjoyable read., 4 Dec. 2014
By mike millbank
Rubbish.Should have spent the time polishing the soles of my shoes.

***side note. Masturbation euphemisms are welcomed

1.0 out of 5 stars got bored of the f###### swearing, 7 Dec. 2014
By astrofox
after reading 14% found the ineffective and repetitive use of the f word just too annoying. if the author would write a version with less swearing then i would give it another go


**** side note. the word 'fuck' is actually the most effective word in the English language being a noun, adjective, adverb, and verb (transitive and intransitive, active and passive). But yeah, i throw that fucker around liberally.

1.0 out of 5 stars Unfortunate Read, 29 Nov. 2014
By shazshou - See all my reviews
I wish this book was more realistic who talks to their nipples....

*** side note. Time Travel is not real. It more than likely never will be.

So there we go. There were more. Human sentiment is a mirror. In general, its nobody's fault how they feel. Most of us are lured about by our simple expectations. We read a blurb and it sounds like something we read before, and familiarity is congealing, so we buy it, and in the end, if it met our expectations, we are content, and content is enough. My 2 year old boy throws staplers and scissors at me when he turns on the tv randomly and expects Buzz Lighyear of Star Command, and instead gets Princess Sofia.

This has all been a bit of fun. Don't take shit too seriously. Say the word 'fuck' more often. Mix your intellect in the kind of icky gunk most people would need a stick to scrape off their shoe. Make your reader earn their enlightenment. They'll love you for it. You and I are not the good or bad opinions that other people have of us or what we create.

Take Fucking Risk and Fucking Take Care,

Take Fucking Risk and Fucking Take Care,

C.SeanMcGee

www.goodreads.com/c_sean_mcgee

www.cseanmcgee.com

Ineffable Photoshoot

INEFFABLE Photoshoot

Photographer: Mari Merlim

Araraquara, São Paulo, Brazil, 2015

Ineffable International Release Date: 24 December, 2015

Ineffable - Released 24 December, 2015

“Light, as it were, is but a current in the vast ocean of time.”

Under a black starless sky, a troupe of ragged freaks and performers makes its way into a town disparaged by death and disease, intent on curing the hearts and souls of its inhabitants with Light. Lead by the perverse and enigmatic Ringmaster, the troupe set about healing the sadness, suffering and infirmity of the town - saving the souls of one and all.

But when the ill-favored daughter of The Ringmaster awakes to a Heaven far from what she had imagined - a place where dimensions fold in and out of one another, and where its inhabitants are kept isolated inside Ward Number Five, a place of unspeakable cruelty, The Young Cripple will learn that fear is not something that she should overcome, but instead, a tool to help her discover that which is most important.

Ineffable bridges all beliefs as one. It is a rich and dynamic tale of theology, science, philosophy, spirituality, quantum theory, sex, string theory, yoga, infinite number sets, bearded whores, hermaphrodites, wormholes, 5th dimensional beings, paradoxes, circus freaks, and some good old fashion romance.

International Release Date: December 24, 2015

ebook (epub, mobi, azw3, deluxe pdf) - free

Paperback - via Amazon

Cover Painting:

"Le Fête" by Mario Duplantier (Gojira)

www.marioduplantier.com

Take Risk and Take Care,

C.SeanMcGee

www.goodreads.com/c_sean_mcgee

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www.issuu.com/c.seanmcgee

www.cseanmcgee.com

My name is blahh

Too many cats got the smart angle covered. So me, and good folk I know, we take our introverted intelligence and point it towards the grossly obscure and down right weird. This song dates back to '05. Ten years old. It was written at 03.17am in the back shed/studio of a dear friend's home. It's a fable or a tragedy of sorts, of the fragility of friendship. Maybe I was echoing some demons at that point. BUt it some fun electro, sexy, groove, grind.

My name is blahhhhh.....

Inky pinky promise i will be your bestest friend,
And we'll be silly billy buddies till the very end,
I tell you I like you, like you, like you, you're the best,
I will never hurt you like i did with all the rest,
I'm a fluffy bunny that is funny never sad,
Inky pinky promise me, you'll never make me mad.

My name is blahh.......

Sometimes I'm a silly billy like my silly dad,
Once i ate the bestest bestest friend i ever had,
This fucking fluffy bunny can be very very bad,
Doing naughty deeds makes bunny very very glad.

Naughty... Oooh, the bunny is so naughty......Yum, yum, yum

My name is blahhhh

I'm a fluffy bunny that is violent as is sweet,
All my friends are dead so fluffy bunny gets to eat.


Take Risk and Take care,
C.SeanMcGee

www.cseanmcgee.com

www.godreads.com/c_sean_mcgee

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Ineffable Photoshoot

Ineffable Photo Shoot
Photographer: Mari Merlim
Location: Araraquara, São Paulo, Brazil

Last Thursday the shoot for INeffable was done downtown in Araraquara on a balmy 40 degree day. I have to say, it's a superlative experience, collaborating with exceptional artists such as Mari. 

I want to thank her sincerely for dancing with her demon, in order to tango with mine. It was nice to have company on this ineffable journey. 

The rest of the shoot to follow. For now, just a peek.

Ineffable Release Date: December 24, 2015

Take Risk and Take Care,

C.SeanMcGee

www.cseanmcgee.com

www.goodreads.com/c_sean_mcgee

www.issuu.com/c.seanmcgee

self induced paradox

It has become patently clear that if i didn't write, i would be happier. And that alone, makes me sad.

Take Risk and Take Care,

C.SeanMcGee

{Ineffable} excerpt

"Before equanimity there was fear, and with it, an omniverse scripted upon the most irrational logic. It created worlds of disparity, indifference, and indignation. And it spawned a culture of misery that spread through the seed of existence. Fear is the division of self, the infinite fracture of the whole, with neither part behaving in accordance with good and proper mathematics."

- The Good Doctor

{Ineffable} C.SeanMcGee ₢2015

{Untitled} extract

"Drowning is a mouth watering experience."

excerpt from the novel {untitled} by C.SeanMcGee ₢2015

Hyperspace

Sometimes in the obsession of one's work, they find themselves immersed and overrun by their ideas.

The second part of my latest novel takes place in 4th spatial dimension.

Whilst doing some thinking activities (hanging the washing and declotting a persians fur) i discovered the irrational - what i perceived to be a hypercube in my own laundry.

Astonished, and slight rattled, i decided i would only ever know what would become of an extra dimension by dissecting this absurd occurrance. It was when i opened the tesseract that i saw my dear cat Banana, with a bewildered look on her face, for she had been trapped in an interdimensional paradox for god knows how long - maybe even since lunch.

She quickly removed herself for supper, and another cat dived in. It seems cats and hyperspace are not such strange companions afterall

Take Risk and Take Care,

C.SeanMcGee

www.goodreads.com/c_sean_mcgee

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www,cseanmcgee.com

on light

Light, as it were, is but a current in the vast ocean of time.

extract from the novel {untitled} by CSeanMcGee ₢2015

Bazar Bizarro

Aside from writing, (not everything is dark and sleazy existentialism) I have something esle that fills me with pride and surpassses anything that i do on my own accord; because I do so and create with my family, and more so, my partner in art, my wife Keli.

Bazar bizarro is our brand of Alterntive kids clothing. A project of absolute passion.

Bazar Bizarro "Colorful like Childhood"

Art is an infantile expression that is surpressed on our path of responsibility, chasing the idea of being "adult"

Our creation is clothes that are not bound by 'names' 'steroetypes' 'prejudice' and are not limited by the adult fears. Every color is for every child. Our philosphy is that color represents happiness, and happiness  is an artform; where art itself represents liberty; that anything is possible.

So, this is our first advertising campaign really pushing more than our brand, but the people behind it. Our family, and our small team of passionate seamstresses that care as much as we do, about what we do.

Our passion. Our bizarre family. Bazar Bizarro - Colorful like Childhood.

Oh, we sell international. Make use of your powerful dollar, and bring some color into your life. So share, Like, and spread the word

Bazar Bizarro eStore

Something colorful this way comes !!!!

Take Risk and Take Care, ane be Colorful,

C.SeanMcGee

A Prayer for Being Alone

“Sleep my dear child,

From tiredness that irks,

Father’s in the field,

And mother’s left for work.

Come down from the rooftops,

The little cat that sneaks,

Keep vigil on my child; may she,

Sleep a quiet sleep.”

Excerpt from the new novel - {untitled} C.SeanMcGee ₢2015
*due early 2016

Inspiration

You should, for the life of you, watch and listen to Tigran Hamasyan Trio.

Tigran Hamasyan Trio

Performing "Mockroot"

** I am in the final editing phaze of the first half of {untitled}, my latest novel. Writing of the second part of this rather large story shouldf commence next week. I have no idea of a release date as of yet. At the earliest, I would assume close to Xmas 2015, maybe early in the new year. I am writing without a connection to calender or time, to le tthe story evolve into whatever gargantuan stature that bests defines it. It will be done when it's done. Until then, douse your ears and consciousness in the river where i wet mine.

Excerpt: {untitled}

"Death is in the state of the vessel, and not the state of the soul."

- The Ringmaster

{untitled} C.SeanMcGee ₢2015

An introduction to literary accounting 101:

Breakdown of author royalty.

Title: The Time Traveler's Wife

List Price: US$2.99

Royalty: US$1

PAid Royalty example: US$100 (paid in cheque)

Cashing royalty (from US dollar to Brazilian Real)

Royalty Value: US$100

US taxes: US$30

Bank Fee for cheque conversions: US$50 per cheque

FInal Royalty: US$20

So in short, for every 3 dollar book sold, I, the author take a 1 dollar royalty, and from this 1 dollar royalty, after US taxes and bank fees, I am left with 20 cent royalty. This does not take into account declaration of earnings to Brazilian government for US revenue which is between 30-55%. Sales that occur outside of US (australia, Europe, Japan, Canada, India, South Africa, Mexico), cannot be cashed, as Brazilian banks do not work with any currency outsde of US dollar. So end result on royalties for UK sales (where The Time Traveler's Wife was a best seller), is zero.

So, in short,even when there is money in art, there is no money in art. This is why i give my books for free. The extent on my wallet is the same. I am not dependant on my art. but that not to say that some compensation wouldn't be nice. Though, if i am going to be broke, better to have built that estate than to have been paid in someone else's bricks and mortar, and being left with nothing more than a poorly drafted floor plan.

So in short, all books are being made free again.

You can download my novels in ebook form here for free

Take Risk and Take Care,

C.SeanMcGee

www.goodreads.com/c_sean_mcgee

www.cseanmcgee.com

{untitled} a certain kind of milestone

This far in, one forgets where they came from, and the where the hell it is they are going. 

I feel lost, and alone; so completely unsure of myself, but i have no choice but to carve through my own indecision and self doubt, and continue, until i work towards some kind of ending.

This book is basically 2 books joined by the death of 3 characters

I haven't taken on a challenge like this before. I am relying on my endurance from muay thai and running, that lonely will to persevere - regardless of whose shouting you on, you're in this alone.

This will be some story indeed.

Take Risk and Take Care,

C.SeanMcGee

www.facebook.com/c.sean.mcgee

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Visit the BookStore

On Writing

The self loathing, scathing mistrust, and abandoning of one's own companionship along the way, these are the traits that make writing such a miserable obsession. Who in their right mind would have such little self-respect, as to begin a novel?

News: The City Saga, The City Musical, Audio-books

News: CITY (A Rising Fall, Utopian Circus ......) has been relegated as a Saga as opposed to a trilogy. There is just too much to explore. 2016 will see the commencement of a series of prequels to "A Rising Fall", a series of short stories called City Tales, giving a glimpse into The City, before the blackout. Also in the works for 2016 is a long anticipated return to collaborating with a dear friend, Adam J Keane.

I don't want to give away too much at the moment, but we are thinking of epic story telling in the vein of Jeff Wayne's 'War of the Worlds' For those who heard the industrial/rock/metal/classical/blues/jazz musical that inspired A Rising Fall and Utopian Circus, called The DeDMeN Trilogy, this will be a complete re-working of that idea. For those of you who haven't heard this Heavy Rock Musical yet, contact me below for a link to download the three albums.

cseanmcgee (at) hotmail (dot) com

As for 2015, my current piece {untitled} is progressing wonderfully; such a rich and delicately demented piece of art. Expect one or two short stories to be released along with this epic novel this year.

My intention is to release one or two audio-books this year also, more than likely 'The Time Traveler's Wife' and either "Heaven is full of Arseholes' or "Dark Side of the Moon'

For now........

"Live as you love"

Take Risk and Take Care.

C.SeanMcGee

www.goodreads.com/c_sean_mcgee

www.cseanmcgee.com

Mindful Meditation - Jon Kabat-Zinn

Mindful Meditation - Jon Kabat-Zinn

Meditation, the act of sitting and being silent, really is a radical act in such a rigid and thoughtful society - thoughtful, not as in being aware, but as full of thought, good or bad, and accustomed to being taken away by it. Mindful Meditation is practiced in hospitals worldwide and more so, in psychiatric hospitals were both my mother and father work. Meditation, stillness, silence and more so, loving kindness does not weaken our endeavor or soften our mould, in fact, it steadies our aim and in the flight of words, it clears our path. 

For myself as a philosopher and storyteller, its sharpens my wit - it allows me to orchestrate thoughts in my conscious mind as opposed to being orchestrated by them; to be the conductor and maestro to my subconscious. It also keeps me at absolute peace, when i return from the dark corners where i find those little bits of light and hope in my stories. It lets me return without judgement, upon me or by myself upon others.

Jon Kabat-Zinn dressed Buddhism in the rigid and rugged attire to suit the brittle awareness and emotional reserve of the West. He is solely responsible for the presence of meditation being regarded wholly as a science, and as a practical medical tool. This is a wonderful speech he gave on Mindfulness.

For those who do not have 20 minutes to meditate, you need an hour.

Take Risk and Take Care,

C.SeanMcGee
www.goodreads.com/c_sean_mcgee
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