manic depression

when a story is finished, when i have completed the final draft and edit, i am awash for two days with a tranquil endorphin high. Everything about me seems to quilt itself into the tiny gaps of air that escape from my low tiding breath.

when a novel is released, the moent is of pure adrenaline, focusing on every detail, repeating this and repeating that. perfecting this and screwing up that. it is a process. Afterwards, I feel that endorphin high and if i don't have to teach, it can be bliss.

The next day i enter into depression and its here that i am the contrary of everything and a complete ass to the people who love me. Moreso, I could be a danger to myself. I could be if i hadn't spent 34 years in these shoes.

by tomorrow i should be manic again and back into the next project, which in its own right is 50% done.

writing shuold have been some kind of catharcis. instead, i thinkit only serves better, the beast in me.


Johnny Cash - The Beast in Me

take risk and take care,

c.seanmcgee

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