Politeness and education at most are lending traits to submission and in the case of unfortunate children, the discipline of molestation.
I was at an event on Sunday with my wife and 2 children and as we entered my daughter was the call of oohs and ahhs and isn't she delightful and oh look at her hair and as we sat on a seat by the kitchen; with my daughter curled upon my lap, they came out of nowhere, the hordes of the well intentioned. They all tried to peek and poke and pull and prod and expecting my daughter to play along like some stupid dog or raggedy doll and she clung to me, frightened and shy (** we'll assess the meaning of this word later).. and the more she showed her discomfort the more they said, oh she's shy which of course means she must want me closer and tweaking some different part of her cheek.
I wrapped my arms around my daughter, feeling her fear and discomfort and told everyone to politely fuck off, to treat her with the admiring respect of a cat and not the flatulent piggery of a domesticated dog.
People were offended but my daughter was happy and the way she tapped her little fingers against my back made me know that,.
A week prior, whilst visiting a gp (which we try to avoid like the plague) my daughter had an immediate sense of distrust. she lay on the bed in the office and held her mouth shut. The pediatrician asked once kindly for her to open her mouth and she refused before he turned to me and said "come on daddy, let's show this little girl some democracy" before asking me to pin her arms down while he would wedge her mouth open with one of those little wooden teeth priers. I took his hand instead and informed him that if he touched my daughter I would fist fuck him in his own chair and if he didn't appreciate it, I would show him a little democracy and do it in front of his other patients. He got angry. I turned to my daughter and said to her. "I know you don't trust this guy and I don't trust this guy either but i won't let him hurt you. Can you open your mouth for a second so he can see your throat and that's it". She opened her mouth and the doctor did his exam.
Now the reason I mention this is that most parents in this situation (and i say this knowing my first reaction in both instances was not to speak out but to want to and instead be polited in stupid stillness) keep their mouths shut and they allow the doctor to force their way with the children and in the case of the admiring hands, they tell their children to hush and stop being impolite and stand their beloved in the way of these pestering and moelsting hands.
the parade of politeness.
And where does this lead? A child looks at every turn for mother and father to protect them from their heavily gauged threats. Our gauge and expectation of threat is limited in comparison to a young child but they have not the voice to assert this worry, instead they crouch behind their mother of father's legs, clinging for dear life for their protector to keep them from this bully.
When a parent tells their child - It's ok, don't be silly, listen to the man, "do what you're told", the child learns from a young age that they should not assert their concern or say No or Stop, for a human is as a human does and a human being is in every way a human having been done in that, what you practice will become who you are, so if in a threatening situation, you're child learns from the people it looks to the most for protection that he or she will not attend to their cries and will in fact put them to the whimsy of the predator, the child learns that they cannot cry out so they learn through politeness to be quiet and to submit.
And this is every way is the ethos of growing up, maturing and being an adult. To submit, accept and assume a role of polite and educated citizen, keepping one's mouths shut, not dissenting in public, being so cautious of another's feelings that your own leave you constantly vulnerable and abused.
And by abused we can assume that we are not only talking sexual abuse but also emotional abuse, domestic abuse, intellectual abuse, industrial abuse, economic abuse and societal abuse.
Politeness in its most detail is keeping one's mouth shut when mouth most needs to have it open. It is domestication, like the dog, being fearful to bite back and accepting every angered boot in the bum and slap across the face as hopefully being the last in adoration and desperate need for a tickle behind the ear.
Shy, as is used to describe children who are in fact embossed in fear, is a word simply used to belittle the child's honest sentiments and better the societal molestation. Oh it's ok, i'm just poking her belly, i'm just touching her hair, i'm just playing around.
The child feels in that moment, no different with one of your favoured strangers touching her hair as she would, alone in a room being molested and groomed by a pervert. Although the parents assumes the innocence, the child does not and to address her genuine concern as being shy just gives parents the mal education to turn away and allow the provocation to continue so that, should the worst every eventuate, a child might in the case of being left beind on a bus, being taken away around a block of flats, being groomed in a classroom or whatever the setting, be completely incapáble of saying no, of acting out, of defending themselves because their natural instincts; what their mother and father should have groomed for them, the claws that should have been sharepened, were clipped and the child, pinioned and fractured by politeness, sits and crawls inside of their own mind and they say nothing because that is what you have taught them to do.
Erase the word shy from your vocabulary if you love your children.
My child isn't shy.
She has heightened asshole awareness.
Stand up for your children regardless of the setting.
Feel their thoughts. What they can't say in words, you surely know by the way he or she clings to you.
Fight for them.
What they can't say, teach them to say it.
Changing the world is more than clicking like on fucking facebook.
It's starts with teaching your children to assert their voce, to make change happen.
Protect your children.
Don't put them in front of danger because you don't want to upset people.
Tell strangers to FUCK OFF.
No animal on earth would dare parade their infant in front of prey.
You have this anger for a reason, use it to defend the one's who cannot defend themselves.
take risk and take care